The Dentist & Diabetes: No More Shame

I've waited a while to write this. Mostly because I felt so much shame, anger, and sadness—at myself, and at the healthcare system. But I’m no longer giving shame the time of day in this department.

Going to the dentist is stressful. Finding a new one? Even more nerve-wracking—for both kids and parents. The anxiety of making sure insurance covers everything, the fear of hearing how bad things might be, and the weight of feeling like you failed your child—it’s a lot. If you have a perfect dental history, I love that for you. But for some of us, that’s just not the reality. And honestly? It sucks.

Having a child with type one diabetes makes everything more complicated. Some nights, Maybel needs juice every couple of hours just to stay alive. Other nights, she needs insulin because of a pump failure or something she ate. That kind of care takes a toll, and one of the places it shows up is her teeth. When we found out she needed six crowns and two fillings, I cried. Not because I was ashamed, but because I knew we had done everything we could—and it still wasn’t enough. And that’s okay.

The Guilt and the Judgment

We used to see a dentist about 30 minutes away, and the care was terrible. They constantly forgot Maybel was type one. They canceled her cavity appointments three times. They didn’t provide options for managing her dental health—just straight to fillings or extractions. And the worst part? They shamed me. Every visit, I felt like I was failing. Like no matter how much I advocated for her, they weren’t hearing me.

But let me tell you what our nights really look like. After going to bed at midnight due to pump or glucose monitor issues, I’m up at 2 a.m., 4 a.m., and 5 a.m., giving her juice to keep her blood sugar stable. After finally crashing at midnight, I wake up groggy, disoriented, trying to silence alarms, grabbing juice, making sure she drinks it, and then wondering—did I brush her teeth after? Did I give her water to swish? I check the camera and realize I brushed them twice…or forgot altogether. Some nights, she’s too exhausted to cooperate. Other nights, I’m too exhausted to push her. It’s a lot.

No More Shame

Her new dentist? A completely different experience. They actually listen. They understand that juice at night isn’t optional—it’s life-saving. And instead of shaming me, they gave me solutions. They gave me support. And for the first time, I decided—I won’t stand for it anymore. I won’t be shamed. I won’t let anyone make me feel like I’m a bad parent. And I definitely won’t let anyone make Maybel feel bad.

This kid has been through more in her tiny life than some adults ever will. Type one is relentless. Life is hard. I understand the importance of dental care, but I also know that shaming parents isn’t the way to help. Canceling needed appointments isn’t helping.

Our new dentist is an hour away, and it is well worth the drive.

Find a Provider Who Hears You

If you’re struggling with dental care, medical care—any kind of care—find a provider who hears you. Even if they don’t understand the struggle firsthand, they should listen. They should work with you, not against you.

There’s a lot I love about the healthcare system, and a lot I hate. But within my capacity, I’m doing everything I can to manage it well. And if you’re in the thick of it, feeling like you’re failing—you’re not. You’re showing up. You’re addressing the problem. You’re doing your best. And that’s enough.

And if your kid needs six crowns and two fillings? If they have eight cavities? It’s okay. It’s not what we want, but it doesn’t mean we’re bad parents. It means we’re doing what needs to be done.

No more shame.

Just to dial down the dramatics—it’s not always chaos, juice, or insulin in the middle of the night. Some nights, I sleep so hard my hips and shoulders ache from not moving an inch. But the idea that parents just aren’t doing enough? Maybe some don’t—I can’t speak for everyone. But I do know this: no matter how much you do, it’s still hard.

Type 1 diabetes is a beast, but insulin? Insulin is wild. Too much can kill you, not enough can kill you, so we’re just over here like, “Okay… what’s the right amount?” The body: "It’s a secret."