Marriage in Diabetes' Shadow

Life as a stay-at-home parent can be incredibly rewarding, but it’s also demanding in ways that are difficult for others to understand. Add in managing a chronic illness like Type 1 diabetes for your child, homeschooling, and running a household, and it’s a recipe for daily challenges. As a mother of two—my daughter Maybel, who is four years old, has Type 1 diabetes, and my son Magnus, who is five and full of energy—the juggling act is constant. Brett works incredibly hard to support our family, putting in long hours at a physically demanding job, and I admire his dedication. Though we’ve chosen this path together, it doesn’t mean it’s easy.

While Brett is working at his full-time gig, I manage most of the household duties: homeschooling, doctor’s visits, household finances, and being the main point of contact for Maybel’s medical care. This is all while trying to make sure Magnus gets the attention he deserves, despite his sister’s health condition requiring so much focus. It’s a lot, and some days, it feels like too much.

The Unrelenting Nature of Type 1 Diabetes

One of the hardest parts of parenting a child with Type 1 diabetes is the never-ending nature of the condition. Type 1 diabetes requires constant monitoring—there’s no “off” switch. Between counting carbs, measuring insulin, monitoring blood sugar levels, and responding to potential emergencies like low blood sugar, there’s always something to do. Unlike other conditions where you can hand off care to a babysitter or family member for a few hours, it’s nearly impossible to find someone who fully understands how to care for Maybel. We’ve had family members try to help, but it's always stressful and requires significant coordination, planning, and backup planning.

Because of this, even when my husband and I try to go out on a date night or take a break, we can’t fully relax. Our minds are always back home with Maybel, worrying about her health. Spontaneity? It’s pretty much out the window, as everything has to be planned around her needs. While we want so desperately to connect and have those moments as a couple, the reality of Type 1 diabetes makes it hard to find that space.

The Strain on Marriage

Managing Type 1 diabetes as a family can impact a marriage in significant ways. Some days, it feels like our relationship is another thing on the long list of things that need care and attention, but it often gets pushed to the bottom of the list because everything else is more urgent. There are several specific ways that diabetes affects our marriage:

1. Lack of Support: My husband works incredibly hard, but because I’m home managing the day-to-day care of Maybel, sometimes it feels like there’s a gap in understanding. The daily tasks of monitoring her blood sugar, adjusting insulin, and managing her meals are overwhelming. If your partner isn’t fully aware of how intense those tasks are, it can feel like you’re carrying the load on your own. Brett understands how stressful and tasking the day-to-day can be, but it can be easy to forget.

   

2. Feeling Micromanaged: On the flip side, I know that constantly being on alert about Maybel’s diabetes can sometimes feel suffocating for both of us. Even though we need to be vigilant, it can feel like we’re hovering over every small decision, and that sense of micromanagement can lead to frustration.

   

3. Lack of Spontaneity: The planning that goes into managing Type 1 diabetes can feel like it kills spontaneity in the relationship. There’s no quick "let's go out" moment without checking Maybel’s blood sugar, packing insulin, and snacks, and making sure whoever is watching her knows exactly what to do. The weight of all that planning leaves little room for impulsive fun, which used to be a big part of our relationship.

   

4. Intimacy Challenges: Beyond the emotional strain, there’s also a physical one. The stress of managing a chronic illness can leave us both too exhausted to find time for each other. We do our best but there are times we both realize we need to reevaluate our schedule and time management.

   

5. Financial Strain: Living on one income is difficult in itself, but the added costs of managing Type 1 diabetes—doctor’s visits, insulin, testing supplies, and other medical equipment—can put a significant strain on finances. It’s another layer of pressure in an already stressful situation, and that stress can easily spill into our marriage. Plus our current fundraising journey for a diabetic alert service dog.

   

6. Communication Barriers: Diabetes requires a lot of communication—about health, about routines, and about responsibilities. But sometimes, because we’re both so worn out, communication breaks down. It’s easy to feel like we’re not on the same page, and that leads to resentment and tension. If one partner doesn’t fully understand the demands of diabetes management, they may be less willing to collaborate, which increases anxiety and negativity.

   

7. Blaming: There are moments, especially in the early days after Maybel’s diagnosis, where feelings of blame surfaced. We never truly blamed each other for her condition, but the stress of managing it made emotions run high. I’d sometimes get frustrated if I felt like my husband wasn’t fully involved in her care, and he would feel upset that I expected so much of him after his long workday.

   

8. Lack of Sleep: One of the biggest challenges is the lack of sleep. Type 1 diabetes doesn’t care about sleep schedules, and late-night blood sugar checks often disrupt our rest. Being sleep-deprived makes it harder to handle stress and communicate effectively, leading to short tempers and emotional burnout.

   

   
   

Finding Compassion and Rebuilding Connection

Despite the many challenges, I’ve learned that compassion—both for myself and my husband—is essential. We’re both doing the best we can in an extremely difficult situation. Some say that self-compassion is key to healing trauma and building positive relationships, and I’ve found that to be true. It’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong or what’s overwhelming, but we’ve had to learn to give ourselves grace. We can’t fix everything, and some days, simply making it through is enough.

There’s also something to be said for the small ways we’ve adapted. The little routines we’ve developed to support each other through the chaos: my husband taking over bedtime routines when he can, me leaving small notes of encouragement in his lunch bag, and the rare moments of quiet we carve out to just sit together. It’s not much, but it helps.

Looking Ahead with Hope

Our marriage is tested daily by the demands of managing Type 1 diabetes, homeschooling, financial strain, and simply trying to stay connected through it all. But I believe that these challenges, while overwhelming, are also shaping us into stronger individuals and a stronger couple. We’ve faced the hardest parts of parenting a child with a chronic illness together, and that has deepened our bond, even when we can’t see it in the moment.

There are still days when it feels like too much—when the weight of everything is almost unbearable. But we’re committed to pushing through those days and finding moments of joy where we can. I’m learning that sometimes, it’s not about having everything perfectly balanced but about recognizing that we’re in this together, and that’s what truly matters.

Brett and I both know we’re doing our part to contribute to our family, and we’re learning to support each other through the challenges we face. He is a great partner, always ready to lend a hand and offer emotional support when I need it most. We understand that parenting a child with Type 1 diabetes is a team effort, and while it’s not easy, we give each other grace as we navigate the ups and downs. We’re committed to showing one another love and appreciation in the little ways. We’re both dedicated to strengthening our bond and nurturing our relationship amidst the chaos.

In the shadow of diabetes, we find our light in partnership and understanding